艾迪: “离经叛道”这个词来自拉丁词根。 EDDY: The word "deviant" comes from the Latin roots
“de”的意思是“从”；而“via”是“路”。 "de," meaning "from," and "via," the road.
一个徘徊路上或者索性迷路之人，， One who wanders from the road or gets lost,
是与众不同的人，是从人群中脱颖而出的人-- one who separates from the crowd.
当然，现在它特指的是那些性行为不正常的人。 Of course, nowadays it refers to someone whose sexual practices are abnormal.
这就是斯图尔特，亚历克斯和亲爱的我的故事。 This is the story of Stuart, Alex and me,
有一段时间内，我们真的是如此的离经叛道， and how, for a while, we became deviants,
那当然是既与众不同，还同时有我们自己的性取向。 in both senses of the word.
* 亲爱的，你是如此太过超现实。* * Baby, your deal is surreal。*
*就像闪电在裸奔，* * Just like lightning Streaking on， *
*天堂当然是精神归属。* * Heaven still Is a state of mind 。*
*我们做错了哪里?* * Where did we go wrong?*
*那些旧思想又归于何处了?＊ * What happened to Those old convictions? *
*瞬间化为一缕青烟。* * Went up in smoke。*
*宝贝，当你的背慢慢要断裂* * Baby, while your back Breaks slowly， *
*咬紧牙，控制自己的血脉* * By the skin of your teeth You'll be under their thumb *
*放松僵持的神态，* * Moving from This state of friction ，*
*我们的眼中星光闪烁。* * We all got stars In our eyes。 *
*你已经知道了你唯一的限制，* * But you know by now Your one restriction *
*去在天空的边缘* * Is at the edge of the sky
*像一颗新星一样闪烁。* * Keep shining Like a new star 。*
*像一颗新星一样闪烁。* * Shining like a new star。*
*宝贝，我们领先一步了， * Baby, we've a head start，*
*因为，宝贝，我们还活着。* * 'Cause, baby, we're alive。*
*阴影依旧当意志，* * Shadows are still When the will ，*
*已经没有力气继续下去，* * Has no strength left To carry on， *
*你躺在地上，心脏病发作。* * You're flat on you back With a heart attack 。*
*你到底去哪儿了?＊ * Where the hell Have you gone? *
啊！不要这样做！这是个陷阱！ Aah! Don't do it! It's a trap!
逃跑吧！啊! Run away! Aah!
*当你正和老鼠玩着游戏，* * When you're playing a game, With the rats and the mice ，*
*你的背部慢慢断裂时。* * While your back Breaks slowly。 *
艾迪：有人说过，想在学校寄宿的人， EDDY: It's been said that anyone who wants to live in a dormitory
要么是智力有缺陷，要么就是新生。 must either be a mental defective or a freshman.
我两者都不是，我是一名大三的转学生。 I was neither. I was a junior transfer student
我以为住宿舍的也没那么糟。 and I thought living in a dorm couldn't be that bad.
结果发现这是我之前和以后都没犯过的最大的错误。 I've never been quite that wrong, before or since.
-- 你好， -- 你好，艾迪·豪。 Hi. Hi. Um, Eddy Howe.
我想我是不是要签个什么-- Think I'm supposed to sign something.
是的，给你。 Yeah. Here you go.
好的，签这里。 Okay. Right here.
*像一颗新星一样闪耀。* * Shining like a new star.*
这是你的钥匙，请拿好。 Here's your key, and there you go.
谢谢，我该怎么走? 上楼。 Thanks. Where do I go? Upstairs.
-- 好的，谢谢你！-- 不客气。 Okay. Thank you. You're welcome.
-- 嗯，小鲜肉。-- 我先看到他的。 Fresh meat. I saw him first.
哪位? Who are you?
我想我是你的新室友吧，艾迪。 I guess I'm your new roommate. Eddy.
靠！我还以为他们一直会让我单身呢。 I thought they were gonna let me keep this one as a single.
操! Fuck!
我也很高兴认识你。 It's nice to meet you too.
艾迪：我很快就意识到斯图尔特缺少大脑的一部分， EDDY: What I quickly realized about Stuart was that he lacked that part of the brain，
他经常说话时会不自觉地冒犯人--- which would stop him from saying things that might be offensive to other people.
我也意识到，我们其实根本不适合做室友。 I also realized, we couldn't have been less suited as roommates.
向前! Fore!
但我们还是相处得很好。 But we managed to get along.
事实上，我们的这段关系中有一种奇怪的平静， In fact, there developed a bizarre equanimity in the relationship,
或者，一个平衡。 a balance.
比如，我会教斯图尔特如何去折医院里的那种带角度床角。 I showed Stuart how to make his bed with hospital corners.
我教他喝各种稀奇古怪的碳酸饮料， Lick the salt, drink the drink, suck the lime.
一，二，三。 One, two, three.
作为回报，斯图尔特教我学会喝酒。 And in return, Stuart taught me how to drink.
斯图尔特的英语试卷是我帮他整的， I wrote Stuart's English papers for him,
他请我吃饭咯。 and he bought me dinner.
我负责打扫浴室， I cleaned the bathroom,
他负责洗衣服。 and he took care of the laundry.
有时他会借我的东西， Sometimes he borrowed things of mine,
当然我把这些东西借回来。 and sometimes I borrowed things back.
你觉得很有趣，是吗？这是怎样的呢? You think it's real funny, don't you? How's this?
斯图尔特必须安静下来，我才可以学习。 Stuart would be quiet so that I could study.
*我能时常去改变，* * I could sometimes change*
*我因而选择忘记这些的脸……＊ * So I choose to forget the faces of this... *
我给了他独处的时间，让他和朋友们--社交。 And I gave him time alone to socialize with friends.
这种微妙的平衡关系， This delicate equilibrium in the relationship
很快就因为有人来了而心烦意乱。 was soon upset by an arrival.
套间里的另一间单人房一直空着， The other room in the suite, the single, had remained empty,
直到有一天…… until one day...
不管他是谁，他都不太友好。 Whoever he is, he isn't very friendly.
但我们很快就见面了。 But we soon met.
斯图尔特，你是去上课还是要在床上打飞机呀? Stuart, did you go to class or stay in bed and masturbate?
你知道，我一直… You know, I've been...
帅锅，麻烦你能暂避一会吗? Would you please get out of here?
这是男女同校的宿舍，有什么问题吗? It's a coed dorm. What's the problem?
这是男女同校，可不是在同房间里。 It's coed within the buildings, not within the rooms.
所以呢？ So?
所以礼貌的做法应该是你们去房屋办公室， So the polite thing for you to do is go to the housing office,
告诉他们弄错了，他们必须给你们安排新房间。 tell them there's a mistake and they need to get you new rooms.
不，不，是我们先来的。 No, no. We were here first.
再说了，你为什么不用亚历山大或者你的全名呢? Besides, why didn't you use Alexandria or whatever your full name is?
我的全名是亚历克斯。 Alex is my full name.
这名字很可爱，可听起来像个男人的名字。 Sounds like a man's name. It's lovely.
哇，是的，她是很迷人的。 Wow. She's amazing.
非常非常之迷人的。 Truly amazing.
* 奇异恩典* * Amazing Grace*
不是格蕾丝，是亚历克斯。 It's not Grace, it's Alex.
*神奇的亚历克斯* * Amazing Alex*
噢! Ow!
“亨德里克森·亚历克斯。男性。” "Hendrickson, Alex. Male."
亚历克斯：我是女性，请相信我。 ALEX: I'm a female. Trust me.
可是根据我们的档案，你应该是男性。 According to our files, you're a male.
好吧。 Okay.
那让我们假设一下， Let's just suppose for a second
如果我是女性-- that I'm a female.
那么将会发生什么呢? What would happen then?
我会马上把你列入转学候补名单。 I'd put you on the transfer waiting list
你会在8到12周后接到相应通知。 and your name would probably come up in eight to twelve weeks.
这个地区住房严重短缺。 There's a severe housing shortage in the area.
你会考虑在校外租房吗? Would you consider living off-campus?
不好意思，我负担不起。 I can't afford it.
我可以把你的名字放在候补名单上， I can put you on the waiting list,
但我需要一个官方的证明。 but I'll need official verification
证明你确实是个女人-- that you are indeed a female.
下一个。 Next.
这只是暂时的，我说，我很快就能找到工作。 It's only temporary, I mean, until I can find something.
我…我没有问任何人， I just... I'm not asking anyone,
你知道，可能有些事对你们来说挺愚蠢的，比如放下马桶盖--- you know, to do anything silly, like put down the toilet seat.
我只是想问问，你们排便完毕-- I'm just asking that when you're done voiding your bowels,
你们冲洗马桶嘛？ you flush.
我们做完啥之后? After we're done what-ing our what?
她的意思是，你大小便后必须冲马桶，你个白痴。 EDDY: She means, flush after you take one of those big dumps, moron.
哦，你真是这个意思吗? Oh, is that what you mean?
这可能会太恶心了，但我自己为此感到骄傲。 That's a shame. I'm so proud of those.
你要知道，在很多国家，男人的便便足够多， In some countries, the size of a man's crap
那代表他真男子汉的气概。 is a sign of his masculinity.
艾迪：她躲着我们。 EDDY: She avoided us.
她为何要躲得我们远远的? What was it that kept her away?
*为什么不上去啊？为什么不下去啊?＊ * Why not go up? Why not go down? *
*波波头和摇滚乐，--走向新风格。* * Bobble and a-rock-a To the new style around *
*你打算吗，你也要来抱怨，* * A-you planning to A-you feel whiny too *
*随着舞曲的摇曳，转吧，摇把，high吧。* * A-do the boom shak-a-lak A-to the dance hall tune *
*我要说，这都是新风格--* * I say, the boom shak-a-lak It got the brand-new style *
我是如此迷恋她脏内裤里那淡淡的迷人味道。 I just love the smell of her dirty panties.
斯图尔特？艾迪：因为一些未知的原因， Stuart? EDDY: For some unknown reason,
斯图尔特相信她一定会回心转意的。 Stuart was confident she'd come around.
我需要和你谈谈。 I need to talk to you.
好的，说吧。 Yes, Alex?
如果你再吃我的酸奶， If you don't stop eating my yogurt,
我知道就是你！ I know it was you,
我就杀了你。 I'm gonna kill you.
我他妈的就阉了你。 I'm gonna fucking kill you.
哦，你把杀人这事说得太性感了，亚历克斯。 You make murder sound so sexual, Alex.
* 我从小就认识他，这太不可思议了！* * I've known him all my life It seems so inconceivable *
晚点电话吧。 Call us. Later.
打包带走吧，我想撩下她。 Get that wrapped to go. I want to work on her.
她不喜欢你，有用吗? She doesn't like you. When's it gonna penetrate?
说不定你一走，我立马搞定。 As soon as you go away. Maybe.
快打包走吧，快，快。 Now wrap it and get it to go. Quickly. Go. Now.
你大爷的。 Eat shit. Now.
-- 嘿，我数一，二，三。-- 我不喜欢这样，别那么做。 Hey. One, two, three. Don't. Don't do that.
走了，你快滚呀。 Go. Get out of here.
你可超级讨厌呢，斯图尔特。你就是的。 You're a Neanderthal, Stuart. You really are.
嗨，我知道，我知道的… I know that. I know...
可你得成长呀。 No, you're really growing.
你得作为一个成人在成长。这才很重要。 You're growing as a person. That's important.
-- 那你展示你的成人面给亚历克斯看看咯。-- 你能出去吗? Maybe you show Alex that. Will you get out of here?
艾迪：我不，我还要再来一片披萨。 EDDY: No. I have to order another slice of pizza.
我们过于友好是非常危险的。 There's a danger in our being over-friendly.
我们友好都算不上，又哪来的过分友好？！ How can we be over-friendly if we aren't even friendly?
他说得有道理。 He's got a point.
这是一本很棒的书，你一定喜欢的。 It's a great book. You're gonna love it.
我他妈的已经读了四遍了。 I've read it four times.
你知道吗， You know,
我总觉得自己像里面的主角霍尔顿·考尔菲德。 I've often felt like the main character, Holden Caulfield.
嗯嗯。不，不，你可不是霍尔顿·考尔菲德。 Mmm-mmm. No, no, you're not Holden Caulfield.
他是书里另外的那个坏小子。 He's Stradlater.
你懂的，那个自以为是头种马的讨厌室友， You know, the obnoxious roommate that thinks he's a stud,
借了人家的漂亮外套， borrows Holden's houndstooth coat,
整脏了，还不道歉。 stretches it out and doesn't apologize.
这还真是一本好书。 It's a good book.
我总觉得自己像那个小妹妹。 I always felt like the little sister.
艾迪：菲比吗？是的。 EDDY: Phoebe? Yeah.
艾迪：那你读过《弗兰妮与佐伊》或《九个故事》吗? EDDY: Have you read Franny and Zooey or Nine Stories?
有啊。……不过，它们也就一般吧。 Yeah. They're... They're not as good, though.
有一次，我妈妈真的遇上了J·D·塞林格。 One time, my mom, she actually met J.D. Salinger.
真的吗？真的，吐得在他家草坪上摔倒了。 Really? True. Threw up on his lawn.
是吗？对啊。 Really? Yeah.
她在缅因州度假，和她的闺蜜一起。 She was on vacation in Maine, um, with her best friend
他们遇到了两个水手。 and they met these two sailors.
她们已经喝得酩酊大醉，就跟着那帮水手们出去了…… They got really drunk and these sailors took them out...
艾迪：没过多久，亚历克斯和我就深陷谈话之中--， EDDY: Before long, Alex and I were rapt in conversation,
而斯图亚特却没有。 and Stuart was not.
我没想插手你的事。 I wasn't trying to horn in on your situation.
我对她也不感兴趣。 I'm not interested in her, anyway.
算逑，我不想谈这个。 Whatever. I don't want to talk about it.
抱歉。 Sorry.
-- 把你的牙刷给我。-- 为啥? Give me your toothbrush. Why?
把你的牙刷给我。 Give me your toothbrush.
我可不想。 I don't want to.
把这该死的牙刷给我! Give me the goddamn toothbrush!
我不会让我的父亲再流血， I would not have spilled my father's blood,
也不会听那些管我母亲叫妻子的人所说的话。 or listened to those who called me my mother's wife.
现在上帝在躲避着我， And now I am God-shunned,
因为我玷污了自己的母亲， the daughter of a mother defiled,
我睡在了我母亲的床上了。 and I have taken my turn in my mother's bed.
如果还有比这更悲催的悲剧， If there is any tragedy greater than all others,
那它一定属于我。 it belongs to me.
很可怕，是吧? Pretty awful, huh?
我只是不明白为什么会有人这么做， I just don't understand why anybody would do
女同版的俄狄浦斯嘛。 a lesbian version of Oedipus Rex.
我觉得挺好的呀。 I thought it was good.
是吗? You did?
真的，我蛮喜欢的。 Yeah. I really liked it.
你不用担心会让我不舒服， You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings.
我知道那都是废话。 I know it was crap.
我觉得你很棒。 I thought you were good.
我觉得每个人都很棒呀，我喜欢这部戏。 I thought everybody was really good. I liked it.
亚历克斯：你觉得怎么样? ALEX: What did you think?
翻译不好，没有味道。 The translation was bad.
主题很不鲜明。 The direction was nonexistent.
那些女演员的表现很容易让观众有去报警的欲望。 Somebody should call the acting police on a couple of those actresses.
凯撒宫的服装看起来也很糟糕。 Costumes looked like a bad night at Caesar's Palace.
除此之外，其他都还不错。 Other than that, it was great.
你老实说真的很棒了，演得很好。 You were wonderful. You made the best out of your part.
我很欣赏你的观点。 I agree with all that.
我觉得你们对这出戏要求太苛刻了吧。 I think you guys are being too hard on it.
你只是学商科的。 You're a business major.
而这就是艺术，作品本身才是最重要的。 This is art. The work is what's important here.
诚实一点总比友善要好些，好吗? It's better to be honest than to be nice, okay?
操！我白做好人了。 Fuck me for being nice.
等等，斯图尔特! Wait. Stuart!
让他走吧。 Let him go.
就我们两个会比较好。 It's better just the two of us.
祝酒词吧，祝福前程似锦！ A toast. To bigger and better things.
这是专业的还是个人的观点? Professionally or personally?
我可是负责任地专业性评讲， I was speaking professionally,
但正如那位大佬说的，男人工作的时候还能恋爱，何其幸福。 but as the big dude says, a man is happy when he has both work and love.
哪个大佬? The big dude?
呵呵，是的，尽管他可能不时髦。 Yeah. Unfashionable though he may be.
弗洛伊德。 Freud.
哦，我喜欢弗洛伊德， I love Freud,
尽管他可能不时髦。 unfashionable though he may be.
我应该……我该走了。不，不，不。 I should... I should go. No, no, no.
就坐一会儿。 Just sit down for one second.
你介意我换衣服吗？不，嗯，嗯… Do you mind if I change? No, um, um...
我只是希望这一刻一切都尽善尽美。 I just really want everything to be perfect for this moment.
我们有时间了吗? Are we having a moment?
这件怎么样? How about this?
很完美么，那这个吗? That's perfect. This?
太好了，太好了。他们都是不错的选择。 Great, great. They're both excellent choices.
我讨厌你这样。 I hate that.
这可有点毫无意义，你不觉得吗? It's kinda pointless, don't you think?
那是什么? What is?
我只会快速穿上衣服--- Putting on clothes
-- 当有人叫我脱衣服的时候。 when I just wanna take them off.
有人说整理床铺毫无意义， Some people say it's pointless to make your bed
因为你每天晚上都要铺床的，但我还是觉得经常整理床铺很好。 just 'cause you're going to unmake it every night, but I still think it's nice.
我的床铺整理好了。 My bed's made.
是啊，你也做得很好。 Yeah, you did a really good job too.
我现在要亲你了。 I'm gonna kiss you now.
不是…你不是… Aren't you... Aren't you...
让我瞧瞧你。 Let me at you.
-- 你在做什么？-- 这里。 What are you doing? This.
-- 我们还是先谈谈这个吧。-- 不要。 Let's talk about this first. Let's not.
噢! Ow!
-- 我伤到你了吗？-- 不。你现在能放开我吗? Am I hurting you? No. Could you get off me now?
-- 要我帮你泻火吗？ -- 不。 You want me to get you off? No.
你在做什么?你在做什么? What are you doing? What are you doing?
嗯。 Mmm.
你闻起来喷喷香。 You smell good.
亚历克斯,我… Alex, I...
亚历克斯，我不… Alex, I don't...
不… No...
我不知道……这个… I don't know... This...
我觉得你不知道该说什么了。 I think you're at a loss for words.
亚历克斯… Alex...
不。 No.
艾迪！回来! Eddy! Come back!
然后你呢，对她做了什么?！我不知道该怎么做。 Then what did you do? I didn't know what to do.
她吻了我，然后情欲高涨就像滚雪球一般疯狂， She kissed me, and then it snowballed into this insanity.
然后你啥都没得到? You didn't get anything?
你甚至都没偷看她的裙子底下一眼？或者摸她一下，让她惊喜一下吗? You didn't look down her dress, cop a little feel, goose her?
没有，我叫她别碰我。 No. I told her to stop touching me.
卧槽你为什么不直接干她？是的，确实应该。 Why didn't you just fuck her? Yeah, right.
是啊。 Yeah, right.
让那小妞跪在地上用她的牙齿咬开你的裤链。 The girl was on her knees undoing your fly with her teeth.
她那位置一定很好，至少帮你好好吹吧。 She's in the perfect position. At least get a blowjob.
你不会明白那个的。 You wouldn't understand.
你说得对，艾迪。我不明白。 You're right, Eddy. I wouldn't understand.
她想让你操她，你就操她呀。 The girl wants you to fuck her, you fuck her.
除非你是个好基友。 Unless you're doing the asexual thing.
你说什么? The what?
哦，经典呀。 It's a classic.
你在说什么? What are you talking about?
可你表现得就像个好基佬呀。 You act like you're a fag,
你应该先是和她好朋友，然后开始共穿衣服， the two of you become good friends, you start to share clothes,
她会经常向你倾诉了，然后，你就可以对她的咪咪下手了。 she starts to confide in you, and then, boom, you go for her tits.
如果你能这么做，那可就太棒了。 It's brilliant, if you can pull it off.
是啊，也许我就是这么做的吧。 Yeah, maybe that's what I'm doing.
-- 嗨， -- 嗨。 Hey. Hi.
我想有些事你应该明白的。 I think there's something you should know.
比如说我觉得图书馆充满了色情的味道。 I find libraries very erotic.
看这些旧书散发的---， The smell of old books,
是满满的沉默。 the silence.
还有这长长的过道， The long aisles.
都迷失在书堆里。 To be lost in the stacks.
嚯，多么有趣。 That's very interesting.
你在读什么书？霍桑的。 What are you reading? Hawthorne.
能读给我听吗? Will you read to me?
亚历克斯，我得好好复习了。好吧？我不能…… Alex, I've got to study for this. Okay? I can't...
哦，拜托，拜托，拜托！ Oh, please, please, please.
“不久，在覆盖着满是雕像的大门下出现了一个妙龄女孩的倩影， "Soon there emerged from under a sculpted portal the figure of a young girl,
浑身上下溢满了青春的芬芳， arrayed with as much richness of taste
仿佛那最绚丽的花朵， as the most splendid of the flowers,
美丽如白昼！ beautiful as the day,
这盛开的花朵如此深邃而生动……” "and with a bloom so deep and vivid that..."
哦，我的天! Oh, my!
“在她身上哪怕再多一丁点固有的特色都会显得如此多余， "One shade more would have been too much.
因为她看上去就是如此的生机勃勃，健康的，和充满了年轻的旺盛精力。 She looked redundant with life, health, energy,
她身上所有这些美好的属性都被紧紧凝聚在了-- all of which attributes were bound down and compressed,
她繁盛曼妙的身体和形态上， "as it were and girdled tensely, in their luxuriance,
宛如她处子的无尽芬芳。” by her virgin zone."
你还好吗？ Are you all right?
天啊。 Golly.
我太中意这华美的辞藻。 I love big words.
哦。 Oh.
就在那儿? STUART: Right there?
她过来你那儿? She came right there?
我想是的吧。我不知道，也许---别告诉她是我告诉你的。 I think so. I don't know. Don't tell her I told you.
你以为我是什么，卑鄙小人吗？嗯。 What do you think I am, a sleazebag? Mmm-hmm.
然后发生了什么? Then what happened?
-- 没什么，我在看书。-- 你在看什么书? Nothing. I was reading. What were you reading?
-- 霍桑的书，-- 霍桑。 Hawthorne. Hawthorne.
纳撒尼尔·霍桑。 Nathaniel Hawthorne.
《白鲸记》，这很好。 Moby Dick. That's good.
那是赫尔曼·梅尔维尔写的书。 That's Herman Melville.
-- 无论是谁的书吧。-- 所以呢? Whatever. So?
所以，艾迪， So, Eddy,
这可是一个重大发现。 this is a major discovery.
这个小妞，她可真是性能量的活电线。 This girl, she is a live wire of sexual energy.
还用你说。 You're telling me.
你不对此觉得兴奋吗? Doesn't that excite you?
你难道不想带着她， Don't you wanna just take this girl and, like,
抓住她，然后…我不知道，就干了她呗? grab her and... I don't know, just fuck her?
也许吧。 Maybe.
你说"也许"是什么意思？没有什么“也许”。 What do you mean, "maybe"? There's no "maybes" about it.
下次你再遇到这种情况，直接把她从台上拖下来， The next time you're in this situation, you slide her off that table,
拉起她的裙子， pull up her skirt,
用你的牙齿撕扯掉她的小内内。 rip her panties off with your teeth.
用牙齿，对的，这就很好！然后用你的手指… With your teeth. That's good. And then take your fingers...
艾迪：在那一刻，我确实变得性兴奋起来。 EDDY: At that moment I was indeed becoming sexually excited.
但好像不是为了亚历克斯。 But not over Alex.
斯图尔特：……真的，真的很难呢。 STUART: ...really, really hard.
然后突然间，你就直接把你的小宝贝塞进去了。 And then all of a sudden, you just shove it right in.
随着斯图尔特不停地说呀，说呀， 我终于意识到我其实所渴望的---是他。 As Stuart went on and on, I realized finally that it was he I lusted after.
记得你来那个的时候，要把它最后挤干净了…… Right when you're about to come, you squeeze it at the end...
你懂我的意思吗? You know what I mean?
是的。 Yeah.
艾迪：斯图尔特接着说 EDDY: Stuart went on to say
他从来没有像爱亚历克斯那样爱过任何一个女孩， he had never felt as strongly for any girl as he did for Alex,
既然我漠不关心，他就必须得到她。 and since I was indifferent, he had to have her.
他会不择手段。 He would stop at nothing.
即使这意味着… Even if it meant being...
得成为一个知识分子。 an intellectual.
你在这里做什么? What are you doing here?
阅读呀。 Reading.
你以前来过这个图书馆吗? Have you ever set foot in this library before?
就此而言，或者在其他的图书馆呢？ In any library, for that matter?
好吧, Well,
据我所知，上大学的目的是为了提高自身的受教育水平。 last time I checked, the purpose for college was educational advancement.
艾迪告诉你昨天发生的事了，是吗? Eddy told you what happened yesterday, didn't he?
我不知道你说的什么? What are you talking about?
这不可能再发生呢。 It's not gonna happen.
这不是针对个人的。 It's nothing personal.
也没有什么神奇的。 There's just no magic.
冷静点，好吗? So just cool it, okay?
你不需要魔法。 You don't need magic.
哦，真的吗？那我需要什么? Oh, really? What do I need?
你需要的， What you need
仅仅只是一个漫长的， is a long,
努力的--, hard,
和变幻不定的-- phantasmagoric
操。 fuck.
-- 我不喜欢你，斯图尔特。-- 没关系。 I don't like you, Stuart. That's okay.
斯图尔特。 Stuart.
嘘。 Shh.
很长时间没有过了，不是吗? It's been a long time, hasn't it?
你真的不应该剥夺自己身体需要享受的权力。 You really shouldn't deprive the body of what it needs.
“阿列克谢·费奥多罗维奇·卡拉马佐夫-- "Alexei Fyodorovich Karamazov
是费奥多尔·帕夫洛维奇·卡拉马佐夫的第三个儿子……” "was the third son of Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov..."
干嘛呢? What are you doing?
陀思妥耶夫斯基。 Dostoevsky.
哦! Oh!
哦，你太努力用功了。 Oh, you try too hard.
而这恰就是你的问题所在。 That's your whole problem.
你本来已经调动起来了老娘一些野蛮化，情绪化的东西-- You were about to tap into something savage and emotional,
可最终却坏了这个调调，原因就在于你非要做不真实的自己。 and you ruined it by trying to be something you're not.
我对此真是遗憾。 I'm sorry.
你真不是知识分子，认命吧。 You're not an intellectual. Accept it.
我承认。 I accept it.
现在，我们能否再试一次呢? Now, can we try this again, please?
不，去你的! No!
操。 Shit.
-- 我一直在找你，--哦，啥事? I've been looking for you. You have?
-- 我们得谈谈。-- 有这必要吗? We need to talk. We do?
-- 你为什么要躲着我？ -- 我没有。 Why you backing away from me? I'm not.
只不过你现在是往前走，而我倒着走呀。 I'm walking backwards while you're walking forwards.
你告诉斯图尔特关于我们图书馆里发生的事，我不追究。 I forgive you for telling Stuart what happened in the library,
我为我当时的high劲向你道歉。 and I apologize for my exuberance.
我才不为此道歉呢！我陶醉其中，爽得很! I don't apologize for my exuberance! I revel in it!
我想知道你到底是怎么回事! I wanna know what the story is with you!
居然对我这么冷淡? Why are you so standoffish with me?
你为什么不亲我？为什么? Why won't you kiss me? Why?
嘿，你看，这是… Look, you see, it's...
怎么? What?
哦，没关系。什么? Oh, never mind. What?
我羞于启齿！ I can't tell you!
你给老娘我说呀! Tell me!
嗯… Um...
哦，靠。 Oh, shit.
嗯… Um...
我在性方面有些矛盾。 Uh, I'm sexually ambivalent.
老实招待，是对性感到矛盾， Ambivalent about sex in general,
还是对和我做爱感到矛盾？ or ambivalent about sex with me?
对和女孩发生性关系感到矛盾。 Ambivalent about sex with girls.
你不喜欢女孩? You don't like girls?
我喜欢女孩，但我只是不想和她们做爱。 I like them. I just don't want to have sex with them.
你知道的… You know...
我就怀疑是否如此。 I suspected it.
-- 真的吗? -- 哦，是的。 You did? Oh, yeah.
来吧，一起去喝一杯吧。 Come on. Let's go get a drink.
你和多少个男人上过床? How many men have you been with?
-- 亚历克斯，-- 来吧，告诉我吧。 Alex, come on. Just tell me.
好吧。 All right.
事实是， The truth is,
除了几次泡妞未遂， except for a few botched attempts with girls,
我是一个… I'm a...
呃，你知道的，一个… Uh, you know, a...
哦，上帝。 Oh, God.
我还没和任何人上过床。 I haven't slept with anyone.
-- 你还没和男人一起做过吗？ -- 不，不是，我还没跟任何人上过床。 You haven't been with a man yet? No, no, not with anyone.
那你不是基友呢! Then you're not gay!
你还是一张爱的白纸! You're a blank slate!
我一定要亲手把你塑造成正常男儿! I'll mold you into a heterosexual with my bare hands!
听着像一出好戏呢。 Drama major.
好吧，请帮我个忙。 Okay, fine, just do me a favor.
别告诉斯图尔特这些，好吗? Don't tell Stuart, all right?
一定。 Sure.
-- 你能承诺? -- 肯定。 You promise? Yeah.
你在想啥呢? What are you doing?
没有。 Nothing.
你刚才是在看我的屁股吗? Were you just looking at my butt?
去你的。 No.
你不是在看我的屁股吗? You weren't just looking at my butt?
我不知道你在胡说八道些什么鸟。 I don't know what you're talking about.
艾迪，我在想件事。 Eddy, I been thinking about something.
挺好。 That's good.
我认为你那天就是在看我的屁股。 I think you were checking out my butt the other day.
-- 我没有。-- 你是的。 I was not. I think you were.
我才懒得管你怎么想。 Well, I don't care what you think.
你是同性恋吗? Are you a homo?
滚你蛋的。 Fuck off.
你如果是好基友的也没关系，这并不困扰我。 It's okay if you are. It doesn't bother me.
俺对自己的性取向有足够的安全感，不会感到会受到威胁滴。 I'm secure enough in my own sexuality to not feel threatened by it.
我的态度很与时俱进吧。 I have a very hip attitude.
我妈妈也有很多同性恋朋友。 My mom had a lot of gay friends.
现在可不是做一个性滥交的同性恋的好时机。 It's not a good time to be a sexually promiscuous homo.
-- 你上过别人的屁股吗？-- 哦，上帝呀! You ever butt-fucked anybody? Jesus!
没有？那你屁股被别人干过吗? No? You ever been butt-fucked?
斯图尔特，请你闭嘴，好吗? Please, Stuart. Shut up, all right?
除非你闭嘴，否则你这篇论文我就不帮着写了。 I'm not gonna finish writing this paper for you unless you shut up.
听着，兄弟，我不反对同性恋。 Look, I don't have anything against homos.
我是说，你就是你，对吧? I mean, you are what you are, right?
你看我的屁股也没关系呀。 And it's okay if you look at my butt.
我的屁股很漂亮，我知道的。 It's a nice butt. I know that.
别再说“屁股”这个词了，你… Stop saying the word "butt." But...
事实如此呀。 That's it.
嘿，艾迪，这论文我明天要交了呀！帮帮我！ Hey, Eddy, this paper's due tomorrow! What am I gonna do?
猜猜看。 Guess what.
啥? What?
艾迪可是一位自豪的宿舍主呢。 Eddy is a proud homeowner.
一个什么? A what?
一个宅男。 A homeboy.
站着做爱的，基佬呢。 Homo-erectus. A fag.
-- 我可没这么说，-- 可你也没有否认呀。 I didn't say that. You didn't deny it.
我不相信。 I don't believe it.
你不能说“基佬”。 You can't say "fag."
就像一个黑人可以叫其他的黑人是"黑鬼"--- 而你不能，除非你是当中的一份子。 It's like one black guy calling another "nigger." You can't unless you are one.
你刚说了"黑鬼"，但你不是黑人。 You just said "nigger" and you're not a black guy.
没关系，因为我是基佬。 It's okay, 'cause I'm a fag.
瞧？我怎么跟你说的？ See? What did I tell you?
别再说那个词了。 Stop saying that word.
他就是他自己。 STUART: He is what he is.
他不知道，他也很困惑。 He doesn't know. He's confused.
他不会对我的屁股感到困惑的。 He's not confused about my butt.
艾迪， Eddy,
你喜欢男孩还是女孩? do you like boys or girls?
事实是，很多时两者都很有吸引力。 The truth is, sometimes both are attractive.
亚历克斯：当然了，但如果你仔细想想 ALEX: Of course they are. But if you think it through,
根据定义，同性性爱比异性性爱更好。 gay sex, by definition, is better than straight sex.
瞎鸡巴乱扯。 Get the fuck out of here.
艾迪：不，我有一个理论。 EDDY: No, I have a theory.
愿闻其详，洗耳恭听。 I would love to hear this.
在我看来，这一切都与装备有关， As I see it, it all has to do with equipment
以及如何正确使用你的装备。 and the correct use of that equipment.
如果你有男性生殖器， If you have male genitalia,
并和一个同样有男性生殖器的人上床， and you're sleeping with someone who also has male genitalia,
这样你就能直接了解他们的身体机能是如何运作的， then you have firsthand knowledge of how their equipment works.
因为你知道自己身体的压力敏感点， You know the pressure-sensitive points,
并懂得如何去激发它。 what buttons to push.
反之如果是一个男人和一个女人发生性关系，道理亦然， If you're a man having sex with a woman or vice versa,
你真的永远不知道他们的感受。。 you really never know how they feel.
你甚至不知道他们是真高潮了还是只是假装high样。 You don't know if they really feel great or if they're just faking it.
哇。 Wow.
不，不。 No. No.
异性性爱比同性性爱强。 Straight sex is better than gay sex.
这是圣经里有记载的。 It's written in the Bible.
哪个版本？詹姆斯国王版还是新世界编辑版? Is that in the King James or the New World edition?
我就是知道这点，好吗? Look, I just know. Okay?
你怎么知道的，斯图尔特？这两者你都有比较过吗? How do you know, Stuart? Have you compared the two?
你有吗? Have you?
你肯定认为女同性恋比异性恋更让女人舒服和满意，对吧? Surely you admit lesbian sex is more satisfying to women than hetero sex, right?
我的意思是，这是一个既定事实。 I mean, that's an established fact.
每个人都知道的。 Everybody knows that.
我累了。 I've grown tired.
听着，不管发生什么，总会有人玩砸的。 Look, no matter what happens, somebody's gonna get screwed.
谁会吃亏呢? Who's gonna get screwed?
我想你们都知道我在说什么。 I think you guys know what I'm talking about.
这是具有破坏性和危险性的。 It's destructive and dangerous.
那是什么? What is?
别犯傻了。 Don't act stupid.
他不是在演戏，亚历克斯。 He's not acting, Alex.
好吧，听着 Okay, look,
你喜欢我，我又喜欢他， you have the hots for me, I have the hots for him,
迟早他又会爱上你的，哈。 and sooner or later he's gonna have the hots for you.
这听起来火辣味十足呢。 That's sounds pretty hot to me.
我们一起许个愿吧， Let's make a vow.
作为神圣的誓言。 A sacred vow.
我们三个会成为很好的朋友，仅此而已。 The three of us are gonna be friends, and that's it.
你们不是厌倦了性爱这样的事情吗? Aren't you guys tired of this whole sex thing?
我去，我都是个童子鸡，怎么会厌倦做爱呢? How could I be tired of this whole sex thing if I haven't had any sex?
那就和我们小圈子之外的人上床。 Then have sex with someone outside our little circle.
哦，和陌生人做爱。 Oh, sex with strangers.
这听起来好像很明智呢。 That sounds wise.
哦，忘了这些吧。 Oh. Forget about that.
但至于我们三个，还是做回好朋友吧。 But as far as the three of us go, let's just be friends.
没有性。 No sex.
是的，斯图尔特? Yes, Stuart?
口交算性行为吗? Do blowjobs count as sex?
我才不会给你小子吹箫呢，就这么定了吧。 I'm not gonna blow you, man, and that's final.
行了! Come on!
好吗? Okay?
好的。 Okay.
神圣的誓言非常之好， EDDY: Sacred vows are all very well and good,
但片刻之后，在回家的路上，我总觉得亚历克斯一路盯紧着我的屁股。 but only moments later I felt Alex eyeing my rear end on the way home.
我们道晚安的时候，斯图亚特的目光也久久地停留着--- And as we said good night, Stuart allowed his gaze to linger
在亚历克斯微微倾斜的颈背上。 on the gently sloping nape of Alex's neck.
我熬夜纯粹是因为自己的原因。 And I stayed up for reasons of my own.
但是神圣的誓言真被遵守了，至少表面上如此， But the sacred vow was observed, at least on the surface,
我们都成了朋友。嘿，斯图尔特! and we became friends. Hey, Stuart!
小心气球! Watch out for balloons!
我要杀了你们! I'm gonna kill you!
* 她是福音，* * She is benediction，*
* 她迷上他了啊!* * She is addicted to he Aah!*
（*她是盘根错节哟，*）哦，不好意思。 * She is the root connection* Oh, I'm sorry.
（*她是--*）亚历克斯，你不能等一下吗? * And she* Alex, can you please wait?
（*--与我相联哟，*）“亚历克斯，你看起来真漂亮”，这话说得怎么样? * Is connected with me* How about "Alex, you look so nice"?
（*我走了我不知道这是因为什么，*）斯图尔特，滚出去！ * Here I go And I don't know why * Stuart, get outta here!
快点，都出去。别逼我! Come on. Get out. Don't push me!
我发誓我要用这个揍死你们… I swear I'll hit you with this...
（*是不是他完全接管了我?*）这一点都不好笑！ * Could it be He's taking over me? * It's not funny!
* 我赤脚跳着舞，* * I'm dancing barefoot*
*欢快地转圈，* * Headed for a spin*
* 奇异的音乐让我深陷其中。* * Some strange music Drags me in *
*让我看着像足英雄* * Makes me come on Like some heroine *
* 她是升华的，* * She is sublimation*
* 她属于你的精华，* * She is the essence of thee*
* 而她正专注于他。* * She is concentrating On he *
* 谁被她选中了* * Who is chosen by she*
* 我走了，却不明白为什么* * Here I go And I don't know why *
* 我不停地旋转* * I spin so ceaselessly*
* 是不是他完全接管了我?＊ * Could it be He's taking over me? *
* 我赤脚跳着舞，* * I'm dancing barefoot*
*欢快地转圈，* * Headed for a spin*
* 奇异的音乐让我深陷其中。* * Some strange music Drags me in *
*让我看着像足英雄。* * Makes me come on Like some heroine *
艾迪：我们这个快乐的小飞地最奇怪之处就是没有被人忘记。 EDDY: The oddity of our happy little enclave was lost on no one.
尤其是那些大堂蜥蜴们。 Especially not the lobby lizards.
我只想知道的，谁在操谁? All I want to know is, who's doing who?
理查德：我听说艾迪和斯图尔特轮流照顾她。 RICHARD: I heard Eddy and Stuart are taking turns with her.
我觉得这俩男的是同性恋，而女的是他们的异性恋。 I think the guys are gay and she's their fag hag.
她不是同性恋，你倒像呢。 She's not a fag hag. You're a fag hag.
-- 我才不是呢。-- 嘘! I am not. Shh!
-- 别管她，斯图尔特。-- 好的。 EDDY: Leave her alone, Stuart. Okay.
离我远点！我不喜欢你，讨厌。 Leave me alone! I don't like you. Stop it.
噢! Ow!
你弄疼我了！你醒目点行吗? You're hurting me! Would you knock it off?
我很容易受伤的！你给我留下了千千万万个疤痕了! I bruise easily! I have five thousand gazillion, jillion bruises from you!
让我看看，这就是疼到你的地方吗？快看呀! Let me see. Is that where it hurts? Look at that!
别这样。 Don't you get like that.
我的天，这完全就是S和M! Oh, my God, it's total S and M!
这就跟你们问声好哈！三个火枪手还好吧? Hi! How are the three musketeers?
哦，这就是一个快乐的大家庭吧。 Oh, just one big happy family.
听起来很古怪，无规无矩可最好呢! It sounds pretty kinky. Incest is best!
哦，就这样！就这样！爽啊。 STUART: Oh, right there! Right there, like that.
真TMD不可思议。 Unbelievable.
有天晚上，亚历克斯居然没带我们去参加派对， EDDY: One night when Alex had the nerve to go to a party without us,
斯图尔特和我在她房间睡着了， Stuart and I fell asleep in her room,
一股恶臭且神秘的气味把我们赶出了住处。 a foul and mysterious odor having driven us out of our own quarters.
你们在这里干什么? What are you doing in here?
我们的房间有股味道，好难闻哟。 Our room has a foul and mysterious odor.
去搞干净呀，你不是个爱干净的人嘛。快点走开。 Clean it. You used to be a clean person. Let's go.
我和他同住之前， Before I moved in with him.
我之前负责过医院角。 I used to make hospital corners.
可现在我连床单都懒得洗了。 Now I don't even wash my sheets.
这位仁兄是谁呀? Who are you?
拉里，这两个艾迪和斯图尔特。 Larry, this is Eddy and Stuart.
嗨。 Hi.
他叫什么名字？斯凯瑞（字面意思“可怕”）吗? What's his name? Scary?
我想他说的是拉里。 I think he said Larry.
-- 滚出去! -- 拉里? Get out! Larry?
是的，拉里。 Yes. Larry.
快点呢，出去。 Let's go. Get out.
-- 别打了! -- 出去。-- 噢! Stop kicking at me! Get out. EDDY: Ow!
你饿了吗? Are you hungry?
亚历克斯：不用了，谢谢。 ALEX: No, thank you.
-- 我很抱歉，-- 没事。 I'm sorry. LARRY: No problem.
艾迪：我们早该料到有此一天的。 EDDY: We should've expected it.
没有人发誓一定要独占的。 No oaths of exclusivity had been taken.
事实反而相反的。 Quite the opposite.
但尽管如此，我们还是觉得被拉里取代了，被亚历克斯背叛了。 But nonetheless we felt supplanted by Larry and betrayed by Alex.
我们的圣所遭到了非法侵入。 The sanctuary had been trespassed upon.
*一次一步脚印，* * Just one step at a time*
*离我的天命越来越近，* * Getting closer to destiny*
你是个很特别的女孩。 You're a very special girl.
我想多了解你一些。 I think I'd like to get to know you a lot better.
你的梦想是什么? What are your dreams?
谁是亚历克斯? Who is Alex?
天啊，我们别说话了。 Gosh, let's not talk.
*和一个我可以依托的人在一起， * * With someone I could live for *
你是对的。 You're right.
让我们通过爱的国际语言来交流。 Let's communicate via the international language of love.
*你的爱是否足够坚强？* * Is your love strong enough*
二十，操。 Twenty. Shit.
*宛如大海里的礁石* * Like a rock in the sea*
你饿了吗? You hungry?
我从来没有饿过吗？ Am I ever not hungry?
披萨? Pizza?
还行。 Sounds good.
好的。 Okay.
你觉得亚历克斯饿了吗? You think Alex is hungry?
别忘了可怕的拉里。 Let's not forget about scary Larry.
你好，你饿吗? Hi. You hungry?
亚历克斯：操！我希望你下地狱! ALEX: I hope you burn in hell!
我觉得她不饿，她只是有点疯了。 I don't think she's hungry. I think she's mad.
你错了，你得给她回电话 You're mistaken. You need to call her back
确保你没有不必要地激怒她。 and make sure you didn't ruffle her feathers unnecessarily.
真是个好主意。 What a good idea.
嗨！还是我。听着，我很好奇。 Hi! It's me again. Look, I was curious.
你是因为我给你打电话而生气呢？ Are you angry with me because I called
还是因为你根本不饿? or because you're just not hungry?
喂? Hello?
她挂了电话。 She hung up.
你们是有什么毛病哈？有那么嫉妒吗? What is wrong with you guys? Are you that jealous?
亲爱的，我们只是担心他的求爱行为-- My dear, we're just worried about a young man
他是基督徒吗? that comes a-courting. Is he a Christian?
-- 别烦我。-- 等等! Leave me alone. Wait!
-- 什么？ -- 还有一个问题。 What? STUART: One more question.
是关于这小伙的头发的，是柔软的呢还是坚硬如铁的? It's about his hair. Is it fiberglass or steel?
我们都认为这个拉里-- We think that Larry
非常可怕。 is very scary.
非常多毛的（俚语：非常危险），非常非常多毛的。 And hairy. Very hairy.
非常非常多毛。 Very hairy.
所以要小心， So be wary
格外小心呢。 of very
这个可怕的，毛茸茸的拉里。 scary, hairy Larry.
-- 没错，-- 小心哈。 STUART: Exactly. EDDY: Be wary.
停! Stop!
住手！噢! STUART: Stop that! Ow!
停！啊! Stop! Ahh!
继续呀！哦！不! Keep going! Oh! No!
不！不！不！ No! No! No! No!
给她化化妆! Do her face!
哦！啊! Oh! Ahh!
哦！ Yeah!
哦！ ALEX: Oh!
（*性爱对我来说意味着什么?* ）亚历克斯：哦! * What does sex mean to me? * ALEX: Oh!
*性爱对我来说意味着什么?* * What does sex mean to me?*
（*性爱对我来说意味着什么?*）怎么了，兄弟? * What does sex mean to me? * What's up, bro?
姑娘：伙计们，现在是凌晨3点呢。 GIRL: You guys, it's 3:00 in the morning.
闭嘴！ Shut up!
艾迪：第二天早上， EDDY: By the following morning,
我们已经忘记了可怕的拉里。 we had forgotten about scary Larry.
我想我知道你那难闻的神秘气味来自哪里了。 I think I found the source of your foul and mysterious odor.
哦，哇。 Oh, wow.
我的披萨呀，意大利辣香肠加奶酪和双份凤尾鱼。 My sausage and pepperoni with extra cheese and double anchovy.
我一直在找它们。 I've been looking for this.
艾迪：我们从此再也没有听到过有关可怕的拉里的消息。 EDDY: We never heard from Larry ever again.
但不到两周后，斯图尔特告诉了我们关于一块发饼的事。 But not two weeks later, Stuart told us about a slice of hairpie
他一直想咬一口。 he'd been trying to get a bite of.
通俗点说，我们知道，这意味着他遇到了一个女孩。 Hip to the lingo, we knew this meant he'd met a girl
还想把她哄上床。 and was trying to get her into bed.
你怎么什么话都不说呢? How come you never say anything?
我害羞。 I'm shy.
怎么会…… How come...
你怎么从来不把我介绍给你的朋友? How come you never introduce me to any of your friends?
你很想见见我的朋友吗? You wanna meet my friends?
于是修女对修理工说：“不，但如果你给我润滑一下，---“ So the nun says to the mechanic, "No, but if you give me a lube job,
“我就给你扔几篇万福玛利亚。” "I'll throw you some Hail Marys."
我上的是天主教学校，老师都是修女。 I went to a Catholic school and all my teachers were nuns.
哦，我很抱歉。我不知道。 Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know.
-- 对不起，对不起。-- 不，没什么。 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No!
你没有冒犯我什么的。 You didn't, like, offend me or anything.
但是，我记得修女们之间发生过一件事。 But, um, I remember something that happened with the nuns once.
嗯… Well...
我们有一次去实地考察， We took this field trip once,
我们坐在一辆校车上，但那辆校车很旧。 and we were on this school bus that was, like, really old.
突然之间，它就抛锚了，然后… So, all of a sudden, it just broke down, and...
我们都下了车，无可奈何等待着。 we all got out and we waited.
这时候，我们中的一些人开始走神。 And some of us started wandering off.
我们走上了旁边一条路， And we came to this path that led to this
来到一片巨大的草地，非常漂亮。 huge, like, meadow that was really pretty.
然后呢? Then what happened?
哦，那是一片非常漂亮的草地。 Well, it was just a really pretty meadow.
太棒了。 That's neat.
失陪一下好吗? Um, will you excuse me?
我得去一下洗手间。 I have to go to use the ladies room.
她太可爱了。 She's so sweet.
你能把这个踢到我额头上吗? Will you kick this into my forehead, please?
闭嘴，好吗? Shut up, all right?
我喜欢和她在一起。 STUART: I like being around her.
当我在她身边时，我觉得自己很聪明。 When I'm around her, I feel intellectual.
艾迪：一切都是相对的。 EDDY: All things being relative.
-- 除此之外，她的奶子很好。-- 不，她没有。 STUART: Besides that, she's got a great set of titties. ALEX: No, she doesn't.
我和她说过了，我说"你的咪咪真棒！" STUART: I told her. I said, "You have great tits."
而且她口才也不错。比如，很会讲故事吧。 And good, like, grammar, like, too. Like, great storyteller.
她太可爱了，她太可爱了。天！ STUART: She's so sweet. She's so sweet.
我们出去吃饭，我问她喜不喜欢斯科塞斯（电影演员）， STUART: We went out to dinner, and I asked her if she liked Scorsese,
她说， and she said,
“嗯，我真的不那么饿哟。” "Well, I'm really not that hungry."
艾迪：看来我们在清除外来势力方面很有效率。 EDDY: We were efficient at eliminating outsiders.
整个世界似乎被分成了两类。 It seemed the whole world had been divided into two categories.
一类是听懂了笑话的，另一类是没听懂的咯。 Those who got the joke and those who didn't.
我们是唯一听明白了这个笑话的那份子。 We were the only ones who got the joke.
我喜欢她。 I like her.
噢。 Ow.
艾迪：我觉得我特别难过。 EDDY: I think I was especially stricken.
如果斯图尔特和亚历克斯能在基因上融合成一个人， If Stuart and Alex could have been genetically merged into one person,
他或她会是我一生的挚爱。 he or she would've been the love of my life.
我不这么认为。 I think not.
我保证你会玩得很开心的。 STUART: I promise you'll enjoy yourself.
慢慢地，就一秒钟。 Just slowly down, just for a second.
我可不想! I don't want to!
就一秒钟好吧，就一秒钟。 Just for a second. Just for a second.
对了，就这里。 Right there.
噢！好的，爽啊！好了。 Ow! Okay. All right, stop.
好了，够了。 Okay, that's enough.
放开，放手，放手呀。放开! Stop it. Let go. Let go. Let go!
啊! Ah!
这很严重好吧，我们还能想到谁? STUART: This is serious. Who else can we think of?
艾迪：相反，我不得不与他们的乱点鸳鸯谱作不懈的斗争。 EDDY: Instead, I had to contend with their matchmaking notions.
你电影课上的那个老师怎么样? What about that teacher in your film class?
他可是一直用邪恶的眼神看着你，对吧? He was giving you the evil eye, right?
-- 斯图尔特，这位仁兄已经47岁了。-- 那又怎样呢? Stuart, he's 47 years old. So?
所以你别瞎鸡巴乱琢磨，好吧！我们不谈这个了。 So I don't need to be fixed up. Let's just drop this.
不，不，你需要找人解决的；问题只是，和谁呢? Yes, you do. The question is, with who?
“是啊，谁呢。” "With whom."
我觉得还是年轻的漂亮美眉比较适合吧。 I still think it's a job for a young woman.
他又不需要女人。 He doesn't need pussy.
他只需要鸡巴，又大又硬的鸡巴。 He needs dick. Big, hard dick.
回见。 Good-bye.
如果你这么想，你为什么不和他一起做爱呢? If you're so hot on the idea, why don't you have sex with him?
精液的味道让我有点基佬的说。 The taste of semen makes me gay.
嚯，你咋知道涅？那你吞吃谁的精液呀？ How would you know? Whose semen were you eating?
我自己的咯。 My own.
看来你有点累了，爱德华。 So I see you got "lei-ed," Edward.
什么? Come here, come here. What?
哦。 Oh.
哦，是。 Right, yeah.
这个嘛…还不错， That's a... That's a good one,
理查德。 Richard.
前台的老二。 BOTH: Front desk dick.
来吧。 Come on.
有什么事吗？进来，艾迪。 What's up? Come in, Eddy.
我想让你跟理查德打个招呼。 I want you to say hello to Richard.
你好，理查德；你好,爱德华。 Hello to Richard. Hello, Edward.
我失陪一下好吗? Will you excuse me?
嗯，待会见。 Um, see you later.
-- 这对我来说真的很尴尬，我的意思是……-- 是什么? This is really awkward for me. I mean... What is?
当亚历克斯告诉我你说的话时，我一开始真有点吃惊。 Well, when Alex told me what you said, I was sort of taken aback at first.
但后来我也意识到了， But then I realized
我一直对你有同样的感觉。 that I have always felt similarly toward you.
她到底说了些什么？ What exactly did she say?
嗯，你知道的，那个…她说你喜欢我， Well, you know, that... That you like me,
但你太害羞了，不好意思说不出来。 but that you're too shy to say anything.
很有趣呢。你知道吗，我总是被害羞的人吸引。 It's funny, you know, I have always been attracted to shy people.
嗯, Um,
也许也是因为我自己也很害羞吧。 maybe it's because I'm pretty shy myself.
嘿，你看起来很紧张呢。嗯… Look, you seem really nervous. Um...
也许这是个错误吗。 Maybe this is a mistake.
我…不，不。我太操之过急了，不是吗? I'm... No, no. I'm rushing things, aren't I?
不，但是我…自从你搬进来我就觉得你很可爱，我… No, but I... I thought you were cute since you moved in, and I...
真的吗？也许… Really? It just...
也许这能帮你放松一下。 Maybe this will help you relax.
我很抱歉。哦…不，是我的错。 I'm sorry. I... No, it's my fault.
操。 Damn it.
艾迪。 Eddy.
艾迪？艾迪！嘿，等一下！你要去哪里? Eddy? Eddy! Eddy! Wait a minute! Where you going?
艾迪，听我说。我知道我在说什么。 Eddy, listen to me. I know what I'm talking about.
如果你不快点找人做爱， If you don't get sex pretty soon,
结果就是你的小鸡鸡会越缩越小， what'll happen is your dick will just get smaller and smaller
直到它最终枯萎，进入你的身体。 till eventually it'll just shrivel up, go up inside your body.
然后你还要什么？阴道吗？ And then what'll you have? A vagina.
闭嘴。 Shut up.
艾迪，我们很抱歉。 Eddy, we're sorry.
我们再也不会干涉你的性生活了，再也不会了。 We'll never meddle in your sex life, or lack thereof, ever again.
-- 他对你做了什么，想抓你的蛋蛋吗？-- 不。 What'd he do, try to grab your nuts? No.
他想吻我。 He tried to kiss me.
我都能看见他的鼻毛。 I could see his nose hairs.
他的口气也很难闻。 And his breath was really bad, too.
闻起来像猫砂。 Smelled like kitty litter.
就是这样的，我对天发誓。 It did! I swear to God.
*我知道一个开心的地方* * I know a place*
*那儿没人哭泣* * Ain't nobody crying*
*没人会焦虑，是的，没有* * Ain't nobody worried, no*
*但也没有笑脸* * Ain't no smiling faces*
*哦，哦，哦* * Mmm, no, no*
*对异族会撒谎* * Lying to the races*
*快帮帮我吧* * Help me*
*来，来吧* * Come on, come on*
*谁快来帮帮我，快点，快点* * Somebody help me， Come on, come on*
*来啊，来啊* * Come on, come on*
*哦* * Ow*
*我要带你去那儿* * I'll take you there*
*哦，对的* * Oh, yeah*
*我带你去那儿* * I'll take you there*
*让我带你去吧 * Let me take you there*
*我要带你去那儿* * I'll take you there*
*让我们相互摩擦，摩擦，擦* * A-rub-a, a-rub-a, huh*
*我要带你去那儿，哦，磨擦* * I'll take you there，Ow, rub-a*
*你看不出我想要和你共创摩擦，擦呀擦的风格吗* * Can't see me want ya In a rub-a-dub style *
*我说过我想要你说我多才多艺呢* * And me said I want ya You said me well versatile *
*无论我走到哪里，人们都给我微笑* * Everywhere me come People give me smile *
*我会成为守纪的好孩子* * Me come grow up As a disciplined child *
*魂不附体，魂不附体* * Out of me mind Out of me heart *
*来我的大脑里吧，让我呼吸更快* * Come into me brain And make me breathe faster *
*我只知道你就是只属于我* * All I know Is you are mine *
*我知道我会爱你直到时间的尽头* * And me know Me gonna love you Till the end of time *
*我要带你去那儿* * I'll take you there*
就这儿。 ALEX: Here it is.
艾迪：太棒了! EDDY: It's great!
真可惜我们没带泳衣来，是吧? Too bad we didn't bring bathing suits, huh?
别像个老屁一样。 Oh, don't be an old fart.
感觉很好! Feels good!
下来吧! Come on in!
快点! Hurry up!
亚历克斯：哇! ALEX: Whoo!
哇！艾迪! Whoo! Eddy!
哇！来吧! Whoo! Come on!
不。 No.
亚历克斯：来吧，艾迪。 ALEX: Come on, Eddy.
不，这是……它是凉的。 No, it's... It's cold.
外面很冷，我快冻僵了。 It's very cold out here. I'm freezing.
那你怎么出汗了? STUART: How come you're sweating?
很明显是冷汗。 It's cold sweat.
亚历克斯：快呀! ALEX: Please!
来吧。 Come on.
没人在看我们。 No one's looking.
你的蛋蛋感觉很好吧。 STUART: It feels good on your balls.
太好了，斯图尔特，超级大好了。 That's nice, Stuart. That's very nice.
哇! Whoo!
嘿，瞧! Hey, look!
月光! Moonshine!
好冷啊! This is cold!
我告诉你，我要淹死了。 I'm telling you, I'm gonna drown.
牧师：每个人都和自己的小伙伴们待在一起。 PRIEST: Everyone stay with their fun buddy.
不要离开自己的伙伴，好吗? Nobody leaves their fun buddy, okay?
嘿，瞧! Hey, look!
牧师：哦，不，不！不！ PRIEST: No, no! No, no!
到来。我们走吧!我们走吧! Come along. Let's go! Let's go!
玛丽！来啊！我们走吧！ Mary! Come on! Let's go!
这边走呀! This way!
艾利克斯说神父象征着上帝， EDDY: Alex said that the priest symbolized God,
这些孩子们，应该失去了纯真， the children, lost innocence,
我们三个，一个后现代的夏娃和两个亚当， and the three of us, a postmodern Eve with two Adams,
被驱逐出神圣的花园，四处游荡。 banished from the sacred garden to wander
永远流放在荒野中。 in the wilderness for eternity
因为我们有罪。 because we had sinned.
我们承认了自己的赤裸， We had acknowledged our own nakedness
并且偷吃了禁果。 and partaken of the forbidden fruit.
虽然这仅仅是一个吻，一次触摸，但它改变了一切。 Though it had amounted to only a kiss, a touch, it changed everything.
潘多拉的魔盒被打开了。 Pandora's proverbial box had been opened.
但更有趣的是，我不确定我们中是否有人希望它再次关闭。 But, more interestingly, I'm not sure any of us wanted it closed again.
嘿，披萨要吗? Hey. Want some pizza?
不。 No.
我太胖了。 I'm fat.
亚历克斯，你不胖，你最近瘦了。 Alex, you're not fat. You're skinny.
不，我太胖了。 I'm so fat.
你知道吗，我一直在考虑。 You know, I've been giving it some thought.
我觉得你是很胖。 I think you are fat.
别玩弄我的情绪哟。 Don't toy with my emotions.
到这里来，来呀。 Come here. Come here.
安慰下我，哦。 Comfort me. Oh.
我一直很沮丧。 I've been so depressed.
我也是呢。 Me, too.
我们不像以前那样出去玩了。 We don't hang out like we used to.
让我们互相安慰吧。 Let's comfort each other.
把头靠在我胸前。 Put your head on my breast.
这和性有关吗? Is this a sex thing?
艾迪，你就不能做一次正常人类吗? Oh, Eddy, will you just be human for once?
抱着我，放松点。 Put your arms around me and relax.
-- 你在做什么，亚历克斯？-- 我正深情地抚摸着你的头发。 What are you doing, Alex? I'm lovingly stroking your hair.
哦。 Oh.
你无法忍受和我独处，对吧? You can't stand to be alone with me, can you?
你总是想让斯图尔特陪着你。 You always wanna have Stuart along for the ride.
-- 这是真的，不是吗？ -- 也许是，也许不是。 It's true, isn't it? Yeah, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
你害怕女人，你讨厌女人。 You're afraid of women. You hate women.
你为什么要讨厌女人? Why do you hate women?
-- 你真是个… -- 停下。 You're such a... Just stop.
别说了，好吗？我才不讨厌女人。 Stop it, all right? I don't hate women.
我只是不明白为什么我们就不能安静地坐在这里。 I just don't understand why we can't sit here
做点什么都行，但不要碰触对方。 and do something without touching each other.
摸一摸有什么不好？ What's wrong with touching?
你不会总想着只碰斯图尔特吧? You don't try to touch Stuart all the time, do ya?
而你碰我的唯一原因是因为你知道我不喜欢被碰。 The only reason you touch me is because you know I don't like to be touched.
什么? What?
你被我吸引的唯一原因是因为-- The only reason you're attracted to me is because
你知道反过来我不会被你所吸引。 you know I'm not attracted back.
-- 这不是真的！ -- 这就是真的! That's not true! It is true!
你在寻找一个自我毁灭的情境。 You're looking for a self-destructive situation.
你是个拒绝的瘾君子，简单明了。 You are a rejection junkie. Plain and simple.
你才是那个整天对你室友流口水的人！ You're the one who's always drooling all over your roommate!
这就是自我毁灭! Talk about self-destructive!
-- 我没有对他垂涎三尺。-- 骗子！你知道你的问题在哪里吗? I don't drool over him. Liar! You know what your problem is?
你暗地里喜欢女人，却不敢承认! You're secretly attracted to women, and you're afraid to admit it!
你其实是个秘密的异性恋! You're a closet heterosexual!
-- 哈！我不是！-- 不，你就是的！ Ha! I am not! Are, too!
-- 我不是的，我不是！-- 你就是的！ Am not! Am not! Are too!
-- 你就是，-- 婊子。 Are, too! Bitch.
你个异性恋! Heterosexual!
哈根达斯，还有啤酒。 Haagen-Dazs and brewskies.
来吧，伙计。我们又可以喝个烂醉了。 Come on, man. We can make beer floats again.
艾迪? Eddy?
这到底是怎么回事? What the hell is going on in here?
我恨他! I hate him!
我也是，那又怎样? I do, too. So what?
我受够了这些破事! Oh, I'm so sick of this shit!
我受够了！这他妈的不正常! I'm so sick of it! It's not normal!
我们三个住在一起太不正常了! It's not normal, the three of us living together!
我受够了爱上一群臭男人， I'm sick of falling in love with guys
而他们却根本不在乎我。 who don't give a fuck about me.
我不正常，我需要帮助。 I'm not normal. I need help.
我需要用药！ I need medication!
我需要钱！哦，上帝！ I need money! Oh, God!
我要做面部美容！我还需要节食了！ I need a facial! I need to go on a diet!
我需要新鞋子！ I need new shoes!
哦，天哪，上帝！做点什么吧。 Oh, God! Just do something.
哦！哦！哦！ Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
哦！哦！ Oh! Oh!
等等，等等! Wait, wait!
来，套上它。 Here, put it on.
呃，好吧，好的。 Uh, okay. Okay.
别告诉艾迪。 Don't tell Eddy.
-- 喂？-- 是我。你睡着了吗? Yeah? EDDY: It's me. Are you asleep?
没。 No.
我只是想说声对不起。 Just want to say I'm sorry.
-- 没关系。-- 不，不是。我不该乱说的。 ALEX: It's okay. No, it's not. I shouldn't have said any of it.
很高兴你打电话来。 I'm glad you called.
我梦到你了。 I was dreaming about you.
你是我的邮差噎。 You were my mailman.
哦，你还穿着可爱的邮差套装。 Oh, and you wore those cute little mailman shorts.
不停地从购物网上给我送东西来。 Kept delivering me things from the Home Shopping Network.
是的，是的。找个时间我们来好好解梦吧。 Yeah, yeah. We'll have to analyze that someday.
你在哪里? Where are you?
我在等待上课，法国电影课。 I'm just waiting for my French Cinema class to start.
我只是在想着女人和男人。 I was just thinking about women and men.
噢，是吗? Oh, yeah?
是的。 Yeah.
我觉得你应该说得对，我确实害怕女人。 I think you were right about me being afraid of women.
我认为所有的男人都应该害怕女人。 I think all men are afraid of women
因为女人天生就是尤物。 because they're inherently better creatures.
她们会生小孩，还能照顾孩子长大。 They can bear children. They can nurse them.
女人都有无限高的同情心。 They have an infinitely higher capacity to be compassionate.
就好像她们是比男人高级的物种。 It's like they're a different species.
你就坐在那想这些吗? You were just sitting there thinking about this?
是的。这很蠢，我知道。 Yeah. It's dumb, I know.
嗯。 Uh-uh.
不，不是。 No, it's not.
只是我觉得好像我更了解女人。 It's just I feel like I understand women more.
她们更具包容性，她们也更开放。 They're more inclusive. They're more open.
男人总觉得人与人之间就是竞争。 With men, there's always a feeling that everything's a competition.
他们对一切怀有戒心， And they're so guarded,
-- 以及防守之心。 defensive.
是的。 Yeah.
我只是从来没有和你竞争过。 Well, I just never feel competitive with you.
感觉更多的是合作。 Feel collaborative.
不，这个词不对。 That's the wrong word.
共生。 Symbiotic.
对，共生的。 Symbiotic.
哦，这个词用得不错。 Oh, that's a good word.
这还真是个好词。 That's a really good word.
好吧，我得走了，我得去上课了。 Anyway, I gotta go. I got to get to my class.
等等。艾迪，挂电话之前， Wait. Eddy, before you go,
你还能再说点别的词吗，一些非常非常华丽的词? will you say some other words, some really, really big words?
好的。 Okay.
嗯，共生。 Uh, symbiotic.
共生关系。 Symbiosis.
嗯，浪荡挥霍。 Uh, profligate.
近极地的。 Subpolar.
-- 闪烁其词-- 。哦，等等，等等。 Prevaricate. Oh, wait. Wait.
我有个比较合适的了， 淫欲。 I got a good one. Concupiscence.
淫欲吗？ Concupiscence?
哈，这也真是个好的比喻！它真的很形象。 Ah, that's a good one. It's a really good one.
我得走了，很高兴我们有这样的谈话。 I gotta go. I'm really glad we had this talk.
哦！再见。 Oh! Bye.
哦，上帝！“ 淫欲”是什么意思? Oh, God! What does "concupiscence" mean?
这可真难倒我了。 Beats the shit out of me.
哦，出去。 Oh, get out.
出去，出去，出去，出去。 Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.
艾迪：我开始意识到亚历克斯身上有一些特别的东西。 EDDY: I was beginning to realize that I had something special in Alex.
她为了和我做爱愿意做任何事。 Here was a woman who was willing to do anything to have sex with me.
突然，有趣的事情发生了。 Suddenly something very interesting happened.
我似乎急于要把自己付诸于行动。 I seemed to actually will myself into action.
是否一个全新的世界向我敞开了大门呢? Was a whole new world opening up to me?
我又做了一个梦。 I was having another dream.
我居然在沙漠里， I was in a desert,
还穿着毛皮的比基尼， and I had on this fur bikini,
好像拉蔻儿·薇芝（美国女影星）。 like Raquel Welch.
而你也在那里…… And you were there...
你是一个屠夫，你有好多香肠在卖哟。 As a butcher, and you had all these sausages.
嘘。 Shh.
我一定还在做梦，嗯。 I must still be dreaming. Uh-uh.
没有？嗯嗯。 No? Mmm-mmm.
这是真的吗? This is happening?
哦，这是真实的哟。 Mmm. This is happening.
嗯。 Mmm.
-- 事情本该就是这样的吗？-- 嗯。 Is that how it's supposed to go? Mmm-hmm.
-- 太完美了，-- 爽歪歪。 It was perfect. Good.
我真的好高兴我们终于这么做了。 I'm really glad we did this.
我也是。 Me, too.
我的那部分…你懂的， That, that part when my... You know,
哦，是你的那个…是吗? was, um, with your thing and... Yeah?
-- 那个，那个很好吗? -- 太棒了。 That, that was good? It was great.
好啊。 Good.
也许这只是我们俩个之间的小秘密吧。 Maybe this should just be our little secret.
是的。 Yeah.
所以呢？所以呢？那又怎样? So? So? So what?
所以我和一个女人上床了。 So I had sex with a woman.
-- 啥？ -- 但感觉不是特别好。 What? But it wasn't very good, though.
你和哪个女人上过床? What woman did you have sex with?
我法语电影课上的一个女孩，你不认识的。 This girl in my French Cinema class. You don't know her.
操你的，兄弟。 Fucking "A," bro.
但是，我不太喜欢。 But, uh, I didn't really enjoy it.
你必须改变你对这个问题的整个看法。 You have to change your whole outlook on this subject matter.
对我来说，性爱就像披萨；即使很不咋的，味道也还很不错。 For me, sex, it's like pizza. Even if it's bad, it's still pretty good.
好吧，随便你。就是帮我个忙，别和亚历克斯说这个。 Okay, fine, whatever. Just do me a favor. Don't tell Alex.
-- 为什么？ -- 如果她发现我做爱了，即使是最普通的做爱， Why? If she finds out I had sex, albeit mediocre sex,
只要和别人在一起，她都会嫉妒的。 with someone other than her, she'll get jealous.
别担心！这太棒了! Don't worry about that. This is beautiful!
你只需要再多尝试几次。 All you need is a couple more tries.
在你完全成熟之前，你已经开始陶醉其中了。 Before you know it, you'll be rocking and rolling.
当你首次做爱的时候，你会兴奋！是因为你发现自己真的在做了， The first time you have sex, you're so flipped out that you're actually doing it,
你还不知道自己是否喜欢这性爱呢。 you can't tell whether you're enjoying it or not.
-- 是的，不过…… -- 来吧，伙计！ Yeah, but... Come on, man!
上帝给了你一个鸡鸡， God has given you a penis,
就是用来插，被人吸的。 and that penis is meant for fucking.
你应该听过这句至理名言吧？小脑袋永远为大脑袋思考。 You ever hear the expression, "The little head thinking for the big head"?
而我就是这样过日子的。相信我，这是一种非常美丽的生活方式。 I live by that. Trust me. It's a beautiful way to live.
不要担心要和现场的那些人一起练习。 Don't worry about practicing with somebody live.
我可以帮你买一个充气娃娃，能吹，能吸，还能操。 I'll get you one of those blow-me-up, suck-me-off, fuck-me dolls.
会很棒的。 It'll be great.
它会吸你的鸡巴爽爽的，你也可以操得它屁滚尿流。 It'll suck your dick. You can fuck the shit out of it.
这将是一件非常美好的事情。 It'll be a beautiful thing.
艾迪：就在斯图尔特咆哮又咆哮的时候， 一件让我非常震惊的事情发生了。 EDDY: As Stuart ranted and raved, something very shocking occurred to me.
我总觉得斯图尔特的行为有些奇怪， I'd always sensed something strange about Stuart's behavior,
这让他与普通直男截然不同。 something that set him apart from your average straight guy.
难道我一直在寻找的东西就在我的眼皮底下? Could it be that what I'd been looking for was right under my nose all along?
斯图尔特会是同性恋吗? Could Stuart be a homo?
你到底支持不支持我? Are you with me on this or what?
绝对的。 Absolutely.
-- 我知道一些你不知道的事。-- 什么? I know something that you don't. What?
我不应该说， I'm not supposed to say,
但我觉得艾迪和某个女孩上床了。 but I think that Eddy slept with a girl.
-- 谁？ -- 他不会说， Who? He won't say,
但我觉得应该是他法语电影课上的一个小妞。 but I think it's some chick from his French Cinema class.
这不错呀。 That's nice.
-- 你想让我帮你搓背吗？-- 好的。 You want me to come scrub your back? Sure.
他以为你会嫉妒的。 He thought you'd be jealous.
我能应付。 I can handle it.
其实没什么好嫉妒的，因为他说这事很糟糕。 There's really nothing to be jealous about because he said it was lousy.
什么很糟糕？ What was?
当然是性。 The sex.
他说这女的床技很烂。 He said that she was a lousy lay.
没有什么比糟糕的性爱更糟糕的了。 There's nothing worse than a lousy lay.
我记得我高中的一个女孩。 I remember this girl from high school.
莫妮卡·布兰斯基。 Monica Braksey.
她就像个… She was like a...
就像一块鱼肉面包吧。 Like a piece of fish loaf.
她的性行为真的糟得令人难以置信。 She was really un-fucking-believably bad.
我是宁愿被狗当面放屁也不愿再和她在一起做那个了。 I think I'd rather have a dog fart in my face than be with her again.
噢！你弄疼我了。 Ow! You're hurting me.
因为这个吗? With this?
是的。 Yes.
你生气是因为我叫她鱼肉面包吧。 You're upset because I called her a piece of fish loaf.
我道歉。 I apologize.
也许我该说她是个臭婊子，贱货。 Perhaps I should've said she was a skanky, fishy bitch.
快出去！快出去！滚出去! Just get out! Just get out! Get out!
-- 好的。-- 哼! Okay. Ugh!
这么说我的床技很烂咯? So I was a lousy lay, huh?
你说什么? What'd you say?
别紧张！你本不该说这些的，都说了这是秘密！ Never mind! You weren't supposed to say anything. It was a secret!
我没告诉他是和你一起。另外，这并不糟糕。 I didn't tell him it was you. Besides, it wasn't lousy.
-- 相当不错，考虑到…… -- 考虑到什么? It was pretty good, considering... Considering what?
考虑到你是个女孩！ Considering that you're a girl!
我不该这么做的。 I shouldn't have.
我是说，我不知道这样对不对。 I mean, I don't know.
我不知道我到底知道些什么。 I don't know what the hell I know.
我觉得自己像个骗子。 I felt like an impostor.
我很困惑。 I am so confused.
嘿，艾迪。 Oh, Eddy.
没关系，还好啦。 It's okay. It was fine.
我们只需要再多练习。 We just need to practice.
我想我做不到。另外，我想我发现了一些事情。 I don't think I can. Anyway, I think I figured out something.
-- 什么东东？ -- 说起来， What? Come on.
我觉得斯图是不是… I think Stu is...
什么? What?
我觉得他喜欢男孩应该多过喜欢女孩。 I think he likes boys more than he likes girls.
他只是不敢承认这点。 He's just afraid to admit it.
想想看吧，这完全说得通的。 Think about it. It makes total sense.
他痴迷于男性生殖器。 He's obsessed with male genitalia.
他就只会说鸡巴和做爱。 All he does is talk about cocks and fucking.
他是个厌恶女性的人，女人对他来说只是个体。 He's a misogynist. Women are just objects to him.
他是个十足的自恋狂，极度崇拜自己的身体。 He's a total narcissist, intense self-body worship.
他父亲不在身边，母亲专横，如果这还不够的， He has an absent father and a domineering mother, and if that's not enough,
他居然知道《俄克拉荷马》和《音乐人》的所有歌词。 he knows all the lyrics to Oklahoma and The Music Man.
他是一个典型的保守的人。 He's a classic closet-case.
-- 艾迪，-- 我知道这很疯狂，对吧? Eddy. I know. It's crazy, right?
我们看不到自己不想看到的，我也不认为他知道这些。 We don't see what you don't want to see, but I don't think he knows.
我要帮他找到答案。 I'm going to help him find out.
我不认为这是个好主意。 I don't think that's a good idea.
艾迪！ Eddy!
-- 那瓶花了你多少钱？ -- 钱不是问题…… STUART: How much did that bottle cost you? EDDY: Money is no object...
尤其当你一脸屎的时候。 When it comes to getting totally shit-faced.
哦! Oh!
嘘，嘘。什么? Shh. Shh. What?
等一下，等一下，等一下。你听到了什么? Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait. What do you hear?
什么，什么？我们是怎么爬上天花板的？ What, what? How did we get on the ceiling?
哦，我们是怎么爬上天花板的? Uh-oh. How did we get on the ceiling?
你今早没有为地球吸引力付费吧? Did you pay the gravity bill this morning?
我忘记了! I forgot!
我很抱歉。 I'm sorry.
没关系。 It's okay.
没关系，没问题的。我原谅你！我们还是应该回到地板上吧， It's okay. It's no problem. I forgive you. Let's just get back on the floor,
因为…… 'cause...
-- 啥？-- 我们要回到地板上。 What? We're going back on the floor.
好的，我要趴在地板上。系好安全带。 All right. Gonna get on the floor. Fasten your seat belt.
回到地板上。 Back on the floor.
-- 你看到什么了吗？ -- 嘘！ RENAY: Are you seeing anything? RICHARD: Shh!
我告诉过你。 I told you so.
理查德：哦，不要，艾迪。你会毁了一切的！看看那个。 RICHARD: Oh, don't, Eddy. You're gonna ruin everything. Look at that.
他不适合你！嘘！ He's wrong for you! Shh!
雷妮：他们在做什么? RENAY: What are they doing?
哦，天哪! Oh, my God!
这就像魔鬼崇拜一样。 It's like a devil worship thing.
不管用。 It's not working.
我感觉不太好。 I don't feel so good.
没有? No?
哦！上帝! Oh! God!
我要吐了。 I'm going to be sick.
哇，哇，哇。 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
哇，哇。 Whoa. Whoa.
只是…放松的呼吸。 Just... breathe easy.
感觉好多了。 That feels good.
-- 你没事吧？-- 没事。 You okay? Yeah.
哇，艾迪。 Whoa, Eddy.
-- 艾迪。-- 嘘，嘘! Eddy. Shh, shh, shh!
你会毁了它的。 You'll spoil it.
毁了啥? Spoil what?
亲密呀。 The intimacy.
*这只是时间的问题* * It's just a matter Of time *
亲密? Intimacy?
是啊。 Yeah.
*这只是时间的问题* * It's just a matter Of time *
艾迪，我们不可以有亲密关系的。 Eddy, there's not gonna be any intimacy.
那好，只是空洞的性爱就可以了。 Okay. Just empty sex is fine.
艾迪，你还好吗？你喝醉了。 Eddy, are you okay? Because you're pretty drunk.
你也是呢。 And so are you.
-- 我不喜欢男人，好吗? -- 不对，你喜欢的。 I don't like guys, okay? Yes, you do.
不， No,
我真不喜欢。 I don't.
斯图尔特，你是个典型的保守男。 Stuart, you're a classic closet-case.
艾迪，你听我说。 Eddy, listen to me.
你所有的迹象都说明了你是的。你缺席了俄克拉荷马州---， You got all the telltale signs. You got absent Oklahoma,
-- 的音乐妈妈，那个……-- 艾迪, Music Mother, the... Eddy,
我喜欢女孩。 I like girls.
我喜欢她们太多。 I like them a lot.
我喜欢操她们。 I fuck them.
不，你看，你没有。你嘴上说着要去做，但你其实没有去做。 No, see, you don't. You talk about doing it, but you don't do it.
这就叫做否认。 It's called denial.
我是否认行业内的专家，我一英里外就能看出来。 I'm an expert at denial. I can see that a mile away.
那我现在怎么会跟某人上床了? Then how come I'm fucking one right now?
哦，我明白了。你现在在和一个想象中的女孩上床，是吗? Oh, I see. You're fucking an imaginary girl, right now, is that it?
你有个想象中的女孩？ You've got an imaginary girl?
他有一个假想的… He's got an imaginary...
这里只有我和你。 It's just me and you here.
哦，不，她不是虚构的，艾迪。 Oh, no, she's not imaginary, Eddy.
她是你我都很熟悉的人。 She's somebody that you know quite well.
还有你每天翘课-- And every day that you skip off
去赶你那该死的法国电影课时， to your little fucking French Cinema class,
我们就像狗一样呼呼做爱。 we fuck like dogs.
她的名字叫艾利克斯。 And her name is Alex.
我明白了。 I see.
“我明白了，” 盲人这样说。 "I see," said the blind man.
哦，靠。 Oh, shit.
艾迪！看着，看着。 Eddy! Look out. Look out.
我的天啊，你还好吗？该死的，他在流血。 Oh, my God. Are you okay? GIRL: Shit, he's bleeding.
我的天啊。 Oh, my God.
然后我说我不喜欢男人，他不相信我。 And then I said that I didn't like guys. He didn't believe me.
他说我否认现实，我说：“我喜欢女孩。” He said I was in denial. I said, "I like girls."
他还是不相信我。我就不自觉地说了-- He still didn't believe me. That's when it just came out.
什么？ What?
你和我… That you and I...
-- 你知道的。-- 什么? You know. What?
我们在做爱，好吗? That we're fucking. Okay?
你这白痴！ You idiot!
他喝醉酒了，他要乱摸我，我吓坏了。 He was drunk! He was touching me. I freaked out.
好了，可以了。 That's all I can do from here.
我不需要缝针吗? I don't need any stitches?
留着下学期吧。 Stitches are next semester.
亚历克斯：艾迪！ ALEX: Eddy!
艾迪！ Eddy!
艾迪! STUART: Eddy!
艾迪! ALEX: Eddy!
艾迪! STUART: Eddy!
艾迪：早上，我像往常一样去上电影课。 EDDY: In the morning, I went to my film class as usual.
他们很有预见性地放映了一部法国老电影。 Prophetically enough, they showed an old French film
关于两个男人和一个女人的三角恋。 about two men and a woman in a love triangle.
这两个男人都爱着同一个女人，这慢慢地就让她疯了。 Both the men loved the same woman, and it slowly made her go insane.
最后，她开车从桥上冲下去，和其中一名男子一起同归于尽。 In the end, she killed herself and one of the men by driving her car off of a bridge.
我明白了这个故事的寓意， I understood the moral of the story,
两人作伴，三人可悲。 two's company, three's pathetic.
我知道我该怎么做了。 I knew what I had to do.
嘿。 Hey.
噢! Ow!
这不好笑。 Still not funny.
他要搬出去了。 He's moving out.
我不想让你搬出去。 I don't want you to move out.
-- 为什么不呢？-- 因为我不想和他单独在一起。 Why not? 'Cause I don't want to be alone with him.
那我就搬出去咯。 I'll move out then.
好的。 BOTH: Okay.
去你妈的。 Fuck you.
你的心愿。 You wish.
去你们妈的。 Fuck both of you.
你的心愿。 You wish.
不是吗？ Don't you?
我怀孕了。 I'm pregnant.
我估计。 I think.
“在两分钟内，塑料棒上的白色标签可能会变色。 STUART: "Within two minutes, the white tab on the plastic stick may change color.
如果白色标签保持白色，则测试为阴性。” "If the white tab remains white, the test is negative.
“如果标签变成淡蓝色，测试是阳性的。” "If the tab turns pale blue, the test is positive."
“如果标签变成粉红色，你已经被同性恋者怀孕了。” If the tab turns pink, you have been impregnated by a homosexual.
-- 什么都没有发生。-- 嘘! Nothing's happening. Shh!
-- 如果是阳性的，我们该怎么办？-- 我不想谈这个。 What are we gonna do if it's positive? I don't wanna talk about it.
-- 我的意思是……-- 嘘! I mean... Shh!
我想我要吐了。 I think I'm gonna be sick.
如果我能熬过这段，一切都会好起来的。 If I can just get through this part, everything's gonna be fine.
我只想开始我人生的下一段。 I just want to get on to the next part of my life.
这段时间糟透了。 This part sucks.
这段时间糟透了? This part sucks?
你想让我有什么感觉? How's that supposed to make me feel?
艾迪，我有些紧张，好吗? Oh, Eddy, I'm nervous, okay?
我并不这么认为。 I don't think that's it.
我觉得你们俩还是考虑赶紧离开这里吧， I think the two of you just want to get the hell out of here
忘掉所有一切。 and forget this ever happened.
为什么我们最近都没出去混? Why haven't we been hanging out lately?
为什么过去几周我们彼此都没说过话? How come we haven't talked in the past couple of weeks, huh?
也许你们可以走开，去找其他的乐子， Maybe you guys can just walk away and look for something else,
但这对我来说很不容易，亚历克斯。 but it's not that easy for me, Alex.
艾迪, Eddy,
没有人能轻易脱身。 nobody's getting out easy.
没有人，你明白吗? Nobody. You understand that?
上帝耶稣。 Jesus.
斯图尔特? ALEX: Stuart?
我的天啊，斯图尔特。 Oh, my God. Stuart.
把你的头抬起来。小子，来吧。 Just prop your head up. Stuart, come on.
耶稣。 Jesus.
怎么会这样? What made this happen?
我…… I was...
--和耶稣说话。 talking to Jesus.
-- 他说的是耶稣还是猫王呀？ -- 耶稣。 Did he say Jesus or Elvis? Jesus.
他说我应该把我的小鸡鸡切下来。 He said that I should cut my penis off.
哦，上帝。 Oh, God.
他说这是我所有问题的根源。 Because it was the cause of all my problems.
斯图尔特，你没必要把你的宝贝老二剪掉。 Stuart, you don't have to cut your pee-pee off.
你不能让它支配你的生活。 You just can't let it run your life.
大家安全了，还没有孩子。 Home free. No baby.
艾迪：这学期还有三周就结束了， EDDY: The semester and the year would be over in three weeks,
于是，亚历克斯搬到了一间公寓。 whereupon, Alex would move to an apartment.
我晚点打给你们。 I'll call you guys later.
斯图尔特暑假回家了，秋天搬到了另一个宿舍。 EDDY: Stuart went home for the summer and moved to another dorm in the fall.
我注意到自从那次浴室事件之后，他好像变了个人。 I noticed that he never seemed quite the same after that episode in the bathroom.
我们都想保持联系，但你能明白的。 We all tried to keep in touch, but you know how it is.
下学期我住了一间单人房， The next semester I got a single,
一间我一个人的房间。 a room all to myself.
孤独感暴露了我最糟糕的一面。 Solitude brought out the worst in me.
这让我有时间去思考事物的本质。 It gave me time to brood over the nature of things.
我想知道为什么会在某天有些人势必成为另一个人生活中 如此必要的一部分， I wondered how some people can be such a necessary part of one's life one day
然后又很快就消失了。 and simply vanish the next.
为什么不能持续呢? Isn't it supposed to last?
我们在毕业典礼上偶遇。 We ran into each other at graduation.
再大约一年后，我们共进午餐。 And we had lunch about a year after that.
很高兴能见到他们，但已经物是人非了。 It was nice to see them, but it wasn't like the old days.
斯图尔特最终和一个女孩发展出了令人难以置信的忠诚制， 如果你能相信的话。。 Stuart ended up becoming incredibly monogamous to a girl, if you can believe that.
事实上，我听说他们结婚了。 In fact, I heard they even got married.
另一方面，亚历克斯很享受长期的单身生活， Alex, on the other hand, enjoyed staying single for a long time,
尽管她承认有时会错过被拒绝的机会， though she admitted to sometimes missing the rejection
因为她认定这种关系缺乏缘分。 from doomed relationships.
每次我跟她说话，她总把我男朋友叫做--- Whenever I talk to her, she always manages to refer to my boyfriend as
“另一个女人。” "the other woman."
我的大学生活并不是我所计划的那样。 My college experience wasn't what I'd planned.
它与宣传册上的图片毫无相似之处。 It bore no resemblance to the pictures in the brochure.
但我并不是不开心。 But I'm not unhappy.
我觉得任何一个人都不可能从中--- I don't think any of us are.
得到自己心中所想的。 We got what we needed out of it.
就像你去度假一样，你计划好了一切。 It's kind of like when you go on vacation. You plan everything out.
但总有你拐错了弯或者走错了路的时候， But then one day you make a wrong turn or take a detour,
然后你就来到了一个在地图上都找不到名字的疯狂地方， and you end up in some crazy place you can't even find on the map,
你接着会做一些你从没想过会做的事。 doing something you never thought you'd do.
也许这事发生的时候你还会感到有点迷茫。 Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening.
但以后你会意识到这是整个旅行中最美好的时刻。 But later you realize it was the best part of the whole trip.